Story 2:

My son is 4 years old. He didn’t speak and used only gestures to communicate with us. Doctors didn’t know the reason because all the tests they conducted showed that he was perfectly fine. Anyway, he started talking later, and his first words were: “GET OFF”.

Story 3: 

My mother is very strict. In my childhood, I used to go to the kindergarten. I remember it was Monday and I didn’t want to go there. She told me that if I would go there for just 5 days, she would give me 2 ENTIRE DAYS OFF. I was happy that I got a good deal and went to the kindergarten.

Story 4: 

I saw a fake mustache in my sister’s car. She said calmly that she puts it on when driving sometimes… I have such a boring life!

Story 5: 

I am not a squeamish person. Sometimes, when I would drop something on the floor, I’d just blow on it, and I’d put it in my mouth. When I had kids, I learned to control myself, but I remember one time when we were sitting in the kitchen and eating a pie. My daughter drops a piece on the floor and my wife wants to pick it up. But my daughter shouts: “Mom, don’t touch it! It’s Dad’s piece now!”

Story 6: 

We wanted to have a second child, and instead, we had twins. It was very hard with them. They used to scream all day, and especially at nights. Look, it was EXTREMELY difficult.

So, one night we managed to put them to sleep. My husband went to the bathroom and I felt thirsty. I was sitting quietly in the kitchen. He walks out of the bathroom and doesn’t see me with the kids. He checks the other room — I’m not there. He comes to the kitchen and doesn’t see me in the dark, goes back to the bathroom, and I’m not there either.

He started running around the apartment, and finally, he rushes into the kitchen, turns the light on and says: “I thought you ran away! I was really scared. But, honestly, I had no idea…

Story 7: 

In my childhood, my father always picked me up from kindergarten. But I will never forget the day when a man I didn’t know came for me, and the teacher said he was my dad. But it wasn’t him! I cried and begged them not to let him take me. I cried until he took me to my mother’s apartment. I couldn’t recognize my dad without the mustache and the beard for a long time…

Story 8: 

I worked as a courier in an online store. It’s a good job, there are many clients, but it’s not the point here.

My daughter had a lesson in the kindergarten, where every kid was asked what their parents did for a living. And my daughter answered happily: “My father gives people some bags. People are happy to get the bags and they pay him for that.

P.S. The teachers from the kindergarten decided to find out what these “bags of happiness” were that I sold.

Story 9: 

My wife got sick. She had a very bad fever, so bad, in fact, that she could barely speak. My four-year-old daughter hadn’t seen her parents sick before. So, she tried to get her mother up and failed.

She comes up to me and says:
— Daddy, I’ve found out that she is not pretending. It’s time to get a new mom.

I told her the sad news that we would have to continue living with the current mom. We just need to fix her up a little.

Story 10: 

My father stole a bar of soap from the toilet in my college saying: “This place has to be useful at least in this way.”

Story 11: 

My husband talks in his sleep from time to time. When I ask him something, he usually talks nonsense. So, I thought it would be great to have some fun. I asked some questions like “Honey, do you love me?” and I received “Yes, I love you”.

So, next time, we had this conversation:
— John, who do you love?
— Plastic.
— What plastic?
— Extruded polystyrene.
P. S. This is what happens to someone who has been doing refurbishments for far too long.

Story 12: 

My fiancé (now my husband) on our wedding day wrote this on a sky lantern: “Take her away. It’s the first time I’ve seen her”.