JOKE OF THE DAY:
An old man calls his son and says, “Listen, your mother and I are getting divorced. Forty-five years of misery is enough.”
“Dad, what are you talking about?” the son shouts.
“We can’t stand each other anymore,” the old man replies. “I’m tired of seeing her face, and I’m done talking about this. Call your sister and let her know,” and he hangs up.
The son, panicking, calls his sister.
“What? They’re getting divorced?!” she exclaims.
She immediately calls their father.
“You are NOT getting divorced! My brother and I are flying home tomorrow to talk this through. Until then, don’t call a lawyer or sign anything. Do you hear me?”
She hangs up.
The old man turns to his wife and says,
“Okay, they’re both coming for Thanksgiving… and they’re paying their own airfare.”
An old man and his wife are lying in bed.
After a few minutes of silence, the old man farts and says, “Seven points.”
His wife rolls over. “What in the world are you talking about?”
The old man says, “I’m playing fart football.”
A few minutes later the wife farts and says, “Touchdown! Tie score.”
After about five minutes the old man farts again and says, “Touchdown! I’m winning 14 to 7!”
Not wanting to lose, the wife lets out another fart and yells, “Tie game!”
The old man refuses to lose. He strains really hard… but instead of farting, he accidentally poops the bed.
The wife hears the noise and asks, “What on earth was that?”
The old man replies:
“That’s the whistle for halftime. Switch sides.”
