“You can’t even get your own family on board,” Shaq allegedly boomed, his voice reverberating off the restaurant’s walls. “You’re supposed to be the next vice president, but you’re getting outclassed by your third cousin from Nebraska in a MAGA hat. That’s embarrassing, man.”
By this point, customers had started to gather, phones out, recording what could easily become the most memorable political takedown since the Kennedy-Nixon debates. Only, instead of discussing foreign policy, it was Shaq explaining why Walz should’ve stayed home instead of coming to Big Chicken.
“And don’t even get me started on your military record,” Shaq continued, pointing a giant finger at Walz, whose face had reportedly gone from campaign-slick to downright clammy. “All this ‘stolen valor’ talk? Retiring before your unit went to Iraq? You’ve got to own up to that stuff, man. Own up, or get out.”
Eyewitnesses said that Shaq then leaned in close, towering over Walz, and uttered the fatal words: “Don’t come back here until you fix yourself. I don’t serve disappointment. Not in my house.”
As soon as Shaq delivered the verbal slam dunk, Walz, now visibly shaken, reportedly tried to make a quick exit. Bystanders described it as “the most awkward walk of shame ever,” with Walz desperately attempting to maintain his dignity while the sound of Shaq’s booming laughter filled the restaurant.
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